I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
