Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
