ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
