i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
