soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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