I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
