Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
where are my eyebrows?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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