mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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