I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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