yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
