eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sex in a hospital.. check
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
