My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
