I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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