Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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