I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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