my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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