It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
