I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
