just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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