I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
