i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This is the prime rib incident all over again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
