Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize