She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
