I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
