I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
