Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
