One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The Olympian is in my bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
