they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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