Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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