Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize