My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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