Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
