You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
