so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
