I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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