Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
