look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize