I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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