Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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