I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this will be a night to untag.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
