YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
