Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
