Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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