9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
