i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize