All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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