I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
