I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
