If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
