I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
