Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize