How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
