ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
