my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
