Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
