can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
