what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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