I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How does one acquire holy water?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
