woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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