sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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