I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
