I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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