So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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