She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
