Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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