Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
