he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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