Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize