i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
