i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
